A letter to Mama

Today, 24-September-2018, mark the 3rd year of you leaving the world; meaning that leaving me, leaving your family, leaving home, leaving all the Nikmat that Allah has given to you.

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I miss you Mama. I really do.

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I'm mad that i almost forgot that today is the day that you have left us, its the day that we as a family should never forget our whole life! I'm mad that i am too immerse in a so-called living my life that i forgot that you used to be with us. I'm mad that i started to feel okay you are not here with me.

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Because of the thought that I'm okay without you makes me sending lesser doa to you, makes me becoming a lesser kind human being. I am nothing better.

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With you, i always want to love as i know that you have always loved me unconditionally.

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With you, i know what i want to do in life and where to head to in this life path.

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With you i am strong to face the world, but since you were not beside me I'm lost and weak. My head and its surface just wanted me to feel and look as if I'm alright, but at the back of my alone mind, I'm fragile, scared and unhappy.

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I wish that you would be there to greet me every morning and night; smiling.

I hope that i could see you everyday making cute faces and being cheeky to me.

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I have always thought about the life that we had before you were down with sickness. You used to cook, do house chores, wash clothes, do grocery, watching TV, chit chatting on the phone, and so much more that i lost count.

You were bright, and everyone loves you. I wish i was good as you.

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I miss you Mama, sorry that it's hard to be a good daughter, but i really love you sincerely.

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I will try my very best to ease your life on the other side until i will see you again.

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Al Fatihah ♥

SOMETHING TO PONDER UPON

I have been wondering a lot, lately, about what do I want in life? Specifically, my life.

I have been living under perception that getting yourself a good job, being financially strong, starting a family and earning extensive essential needs are the right way to live in this world. However, as I am approaching the 30s, with me feeling numb in job, moderately stable financial, being a single woman and have essential needs only enough for myself - my view on life is changing.

I never felt useless or what not that my life path is not alike many of friends of my age, but from this path that I am on now I could see that I absolutely have many things I could achieve while others couldn’t. For instance, I have the time and opportunity to explore and see the world a lot wider than most of my friends who eventually have established family and tied with commitments while having kids. That is the obvious pros I could state on the surface.

Well, in a different perspective it made me realise that I might have born to dislike the typical life everyone eagerly wanted to invest in after graduating (which is the job-married-kids life). As I grew older I was blessed with God's given thought to strive further about life and be bolder. This path written for me may be a little deviated than the norm but probably the best that could make me a happier and a better person.

My life goal has changed. As much as I hated myself for this belief and the disappointment my family would have felt on the life goal I've chose - Hey! I don’t need to be extremely excellent in job working hard day and night to consider myself as successful, I don’t need to be a crazy rich Asian woman to say that my need is fulfilled, or even a family and kids to make me feel complete in life.

I’ve decided that at the point of writing this post - I am 27 years old, considering I would be young, fun and fit until I would reach 40, I have about the balance of 13 years for this new goal to be achieved. The goal for now is to go out and explore the precious world God has created for us to live in! The earth is too beautiful to be wasted, and the journey starts now!

Amira :)